The Holiday Family Vacation

            The Holiday Family Vacation

    You are being told by the person closest to you that visiting the relatives is a vacation. Clearly before you moved in with or even married this person you failed to notice the fact that they are from another planet.

    No one born on earth and actually understands what goes on during a so called family visit/vacation would call it a vacation.

    Is it possible to rest while being asked to drive those three cousins that you have never met before all over creation to look for that forth cousin who for some reason (you suspect not exactly legal) is in a part of town where they find stripped cars like yours? Cars that sometimes have bodies like your’s stuffed in the glove compartment.  You do it because you are on a vacation and what could really happen?

    People like you are never the subject of lifetime movies are they?

    Face it the only thing worst than being the vacation family visitor is having the family use your own as a vacation destination. Nothing is more heart warming than having a bunch of strangers with your last name walking off with all of your space heaters and hard liquor.


    Do not let this happen.

    Plan it yourself before you get family planned vacation into a corner. Pick a place to go. Book it. Draw up escape plans and destroy any chance that the family vacation will be requested.
    “But what if I plan a little escape and he or she says no?”

   No to a cruise?

    No to a quiet country inn?

    No to Vegas?

    No to a Ski trip?

    No to wine country?

    No to hunting polar bears with a pocket knife?

    Who would say no to something like that?

    Like all great escapes. You plan it, set it up and execute it without hesitation or mercy. You are using an escape vacation to escape the family vacation.

    I have given you a great plan. The holidays are right around the corner so hurry up and do not let the warden or the guards find out about it.

    I will now leave you some Banner ads to steer you toward some guys who can help you make final plans.





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Excape Vacation Planning

            Vacation Planning

    Your vacation planning has largely consisted of your finding a dark corner of your home from time to time, crawling into it and praying for a merciful end to it all?

    Life is hard most of the time and when you are exhausted it is even harder. At moments like those your thoughts are not of a quiet little vacation. Of packing a few bag, making reservations and hiring someone to take care of the plants while you are away.

    Your thoughts are of diving out of the nearest window. Jumping onto the back of a pickup truck and hiding under the tarp until you hear the sound of planes taking off or border crossing guards asking for papers.

    Am I talking about a vacation or an escape plan?

    I will ask you a question. Is there a difference?


    I did not plan this as one of those Blogs where every thing is all sunshine and rainbows. Where you are taking a vacation because you feel like smelling the roses in the south of France. My idea of a get away is just that. To get away from the problems. The questions. The phone calls. The responsibility.

    And if going to France to smell roses will do that for you let’s try to get you there. If it is visiting Rome, taking a cruise, dancing on tables in Brazil, swimming with man eating sharks in the Carribean, watching the sun come up in Japan or picking fruit in Florida, maybe we can get you there.

    “Did you did say picking fruit?”

    Yes I did. Would you rather pick fruit for a dollar an hour in the middle of no where or hear yourself yelling stop that, don’t do that, put that down, where did you get that, is that smoke I smell, to the kids?

    A vacation is for those who hear thank you once in a while for all the things that they do for the people who spent most of their time sleeping , eating and spending money they did not earn.

    An escape vacation is what we will talk about from time to time.

    Perhaps you need to get away for just a few days. Why not find a nice quiet inn.